Yup, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation.

context/source: https://www.tagesschau.de/ausland/asien/scholz-putin-109.html

I think we can learn a lot from Gen-Z humor

so.. shooting and skiing.
Basically any sport will be more exciting if you hand weapons to the contestants…

snowboard-fencing sure sounds like an awesome idea xD

After Facebook/Whatsapp now also Youtube is on my shitlist because seriously… they don’t even try to hide the fact anymore that it was never about the users, the creators.

It is about advertising and making money and frankly, I have more creative ways to spend my money

Getting old is (should be) about wisdom, settling down, taking it a bit slower, watching teenagers no-scoping you faster than you can even raise your defense.. but it also is about not letting go of those child-like pleasures like discovering something new.

I was listening to an ambient mix today in public transport.. mellow lo-fi electronica without lyrics, usually. In this case: Peace Orchestra’s “Who Am I” (spotify link)

Now, there is something that Spotify features, the “Lyrics” tab. It showed up on this song. But why would an ambient electronica song have a lyrics tab? So.. curiosity got me and I tapped it. Opened this:

but nobody ever sings in that track.. escept for a sampled loop of “who am I?”
It is just scrolling by for you, the listener.. to take in while chilling to this track

I never want to lose the child-like happiness that I felt when this happened. Me, in public transport,. with earphones.. enjoying that little moment of bliss having shared something with someone – unscripted, unplanned. Like watching a sunrise unexpectedly.

P.S. Stellt sich raus “Peace Orchestra” is ein Solo Projekt von Peter Kruder – eine Hälfte von “Kruder&Dorfmeister” – das erklärt dann auch warum mich das so fasziniert hat :) is auch schon wieder seit 25 Jahren ein Teil meines Lebens <3

so I have been depressed most of my conscious life, it seems.
I have been through a rollercoaster of new emotions recently since I started treatment but one thing I did not prepare for… the loneliness.

Now that I am no longer busy with myself all the time.. how is it possible to feel so lonely? Why are the days so damn long? Never-ending episodes of loneliness and I need to find someone to talk or I will explode.

or maybe.. I just have to find ways to deal with myself.. being alone

edit: thanks to my favorite therapist the answer seems to be habituation

just as bad as “doe eens normaal”