in the past years something that defined and shaped me is depression

I have been struggling for as long as I can think.. but only when you have kids, a job, a mortgage and other duties it becomes a real problem.. you get caught in a downward spiral and so many external factors are pulling you down, your coping mechanisms just don’t work anymore.

so in November 2021 I decided to turn the game around. I went to the doctor and demanded a different approach, different treatment. long-term if neccessary but after 10 years of so-so I thought it was time to change the game somewhat.

I was prescribed SSRI’s and my life has been turned upside down. I could go and write pages about this but that will come at a differnet moment.. Right now, almost 1 year later, I feel incredible and I can only encourage everyone who suffers.. seek help! Yes, I am aware I will probably have to take those meds for the rest of my life but so does a diabetic. There’s no shame admitting you have a defect because you know how to fix it and you make an effort to do it.

the only shameful thing is to stay suffering because some bros tell you a man has to suffer in silence and not complain. fuck those people. everyone deserves happiness.

Now excuse me, I have some catching up to do.. like.. 10 years of catching up :D

“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life.”

— Jean-Luc Picard

it’s amazing how good those two are at sleeping. inspiring~

https://xkcd.com/2651

capitalists complaining – I could listen to them whine for hours
ah, my socialist heart loves this <3

until one week ago, I did not know what a “key light” is – heard ir from some streamers while researching how to improve my online presence (as I aim to work from home for as long as possible)

according to our friends at Wikipedia, a key light is part of the classic “three-point-lighting” that is used in studios and for photographers.

so.. while I am totally not familiar with the desired effects (higher or lower than eye line, etc.. etc..) I am very pleased with the results, especially when having a window (sunlight) pouring on from one side.. it nicely sets off the angles and shadows and creates more “depth”

Also, thanks to our friends at Rollei I don’t have to shell out 200 for a cheap elgato light (what all the streamers seem to use) but can get this for 35 <3

now we are talking. (note: powering it from USB port on my laptop made the light flicker a bit.. so I dedicated an old samsung charger (2A output) to it. no more flickering)

not going to start streaming anytime (ever) but this is good for video meetings. It adds depth and presence. (poor doggo dit not like the lightshow and fled the scene halfway)

Bonus points for a webcam with a shallow FoV – wide aperture / manual focus.
Razer Kiyo Pro Ultra comes to mind. that adds even more “pop” (or “object separation”)

in photography you would use
a) a lightbox
b) a reflector
c) an illuminated background or a filling light.

so many years ago I thought i had finally found my crowd – I was mistaken. They accepted me, but i was never a part of it. Why? I have never found out… I probably did not commit enough (well, that’s what I thought) – this repeated itself over and over again over the years.

Many years later, I am now sporting a proper aversion to any kind of group affiliation, immediately trying to blend in vs. being afraid to commit

Why do I always want to “belong” somewhere? Why can I not just accept that I am – me?

And not “part of something” or “piece of something else”. Seriously I hate being part of the human race at this moment. Just leave me alone, whoever you are. I don’t like you. I am not your friend. Please go away.

that’s a mood, I guess

Seriously.. I have ranted to so many people about how ugly SUVs and crossover cars are… and yet.. everyone seems to join me in this but most people then just buy them anyway.. conveniently?
And the market/manufacturers then say “the market demands more SUVs” > repeat this cycle.
1974 italdesign came up with this concept that would become famous as “hyundai pony coupe”

so.. while the pony never looked like this, it definitlely inspired others. Some Lamborghini, the Alfa GTV , the VW Scirocco and most notably the DMC DeLorean

Now.. fast forward to 2022 – there are rumours that DeLorean are trying to reboot the brand (going all-electric) – and.. I can’t even imagine what moved those people but this is.. just another car.. also: it’s not the design language – the only thing that resembles the 1974 vibe are the gullwing doors :/

Am I subject to nostalgia? It’s not about the fucking doors.. it’s about design language. And being consistent with it. Who will buy this thing for 250K when there is Ferrari, Lamborghini, Porsche, etc.. etc.. out there being far more established and looking just as great?

look at Hyundai and their hydrogen “rolling lab” called “N Vision 74” where they (successfully) demonstrate how to speak the same language while still being innovative.

If there is a worthy successor of the DeLorean, it would be this one.

Also, while Hyundai have their own design language and – I admit I find it fugly – I have to admit, they stick to it – so kudos to them for understanding what “design” means.

People like you… I think it’s totally OK to have fun in the park – so do I

people like you get the trash off of the party and take it away – so do I

but then taking it away is difficult so you just leave it close to some other trash for example a little trashcan

The birds will take care of the rest and make a big mess

People like you are probably defending slavery, because having someone else to clean up after you and making it “not your problem” is always preferable

I hate you

fuck you